Voices of a Silenced Generation
Amidst all the panic and hysteria of lockdown - the mental breakdowns, the months of isolation, the social anxiety us young “adults” have experienced these past months – it is frighteningly easy to ignore the experiences of the elderly. As the new generation, we often forget about this older demographic; we disregard anyone devoid of an enigmatic social media presence, only listening to the young who are able to get online and shamelessly broadcast their opinions for all to read. I, for one, know I am guilty of disseminating my lockdown hardships online, while simultaneously ignoring those who have had it much, much worse.
What about the people who cannot share their lockdown experiences on social media? What about those who are silenced by the exclusivity of technology? Are their voices less valuable because they cannot, or do not wish to, express themselves online?
So, in an attempt to highlight the struggles of those most impacted by coronavirus, I thought I would interview my grandparents to gain some insight into their experience of lockdown. Thankfully, they agreed to being interrogated by me for 45 minutes, in the hope that the resulting article would go some way in educating the youths of the world (not that I realistically think the audience of this article will be any larger than a handful of said “youths”) about the hardships suffered by the elderly population in the face of a deadly disease.
Alec and Sheila Needham on their wedding day
My grandparents, Alec and Sheila Needham, are 92 and 78 respectively. They have been married for 56 years and have had four children, eight grandchildren, and one great-granddaughter. While my grandma is healthy, they have both been required to shield during lockdown because my grandad has some pre-existing medical conditions which mean that he is classed as a vulnerable person. They have been inside, shielding, for almost the entirety of the UK lockdown – about five months.
I sat outside on the driveway of my grandparents’ house, cosied up next to the green bin. My grandparents sat inside the house, looking out at me, with my grandad sat on the chair of his stair lift and my grandma perched on a stool in front of him, as if they were posing for a royal portrait.
“So,” I asked, “What is a typical day like for you in lockdown?”
My grandma replied first, confidently, while my grandad looked puzzled, possibly trying to remember what he does on a typical day besides sleeping.
“A typical day is not drastically different to any other, although that sounds funny,” my grandma said. “I get up and then about an hour later I get your grandad up. It’s gotten later as lockdown has gone on, so we get up around 9 o’clock now.” Astonished, I interjected here to point out that 9am is not at all considered an early awakening for me, to which my grandma chuckled.
“After getting up, I’ll slowly work around the house, doing all the jobs that need to be done – the cleaning, the laundry, the washing up.” While these might sound like simple, mundane tasks, before lockdown my grandparents had a devoted cleaner, as my grandad has limited mobility and my grandma has painful arthritis in her hip. For months now, the cleaner has been unable to visit my grandparents’ house, leaving my grandma to undertake tiring household chores by herself. Yet you’d never guess any of this from my grandma’s chirpy tone. The only hint of exhaustion my grandma yielded to me was when she admitted she could not get all her tasks done in one day. “It’s just too much,” she said.
My grandad pitched in here in a melancholy tone, saying, “We’ve just missed seeing people,” with which my grandma agreed. They both admitted that while some days in lockdown have not been all that different to their lifestyle before the pandemic, the difference is that pre-coronavirus, they could choose when to stay at home and when to leave the house. Now, they know they are forced to stay at home. The decision to leave the house is out of their hands, leaving them with an uneasy feeling of being trapped.
“What have been the most drastic changes to your lifestyle since Covid-19?” I asked.
My grandma replied instantly: “Although it seems obvious, not having people in the house has been the worst thing,” she said. “Not just the cleaner, but family and friends… we used to go out for a coffee as well to see people, but now we can’t see anyone.”
My grandma was worried not only that they wouldn’t be able to see family and friends properly for a few more months, but that things would never go back to how they were – at least not in their lifetime. Imagine knowing that you might never be able to hug your friends ever again or hold your children or your grandchildren. We young adults have the luxury of knowing that even if coronavirus sticks around for a while, we are unlikely to be severely affected by it. This virus has not only threatened the physical wellbeing of the elderly, but has imposed on them a potentially permanent and isolating new lifestyle.
“Generally speaking, how have you found the experience of shielding during the pandemic?” I asked. “Have you found it difficult following one set of rules while others are permitted more freedom?”
“Yes,” my grandad replied with an undeniable sadness. “What upset us most, I think, was when we knew people were our age, but they were taking no part in it. They were going out and doing what they liked, but because we stuck to the rules, we were inside all the time.”
“It was very hard when we knew people were starting to be allowed to do more, when people started to go back to work,” my grandma added. “When you’ve all got to do the same thing – more or less – it’s easier than when everybody has different rules.”
I asked my grandparents how they felt when the restrictions started to relax for others, knowing they still had to shield. My grandma admitted that it could be very upsetting, especially because in the suburbs of Greater Manchester, you’d never have guessed there was a pandemic. She said that if my grandparents didn’t watch the news and see horrible images of ICU patients on ventilators, they would have no idea a deadly disease was out there. It’s hard to stick to restrictive rules when the world around you appears completely normal. My grandma compared it to watching the horrors of Ebola unfold in other countries; until it happens to you, until it directly affects your own little world, you feel totally removed from the narrative, like the events are happening in a far off land.
I must admit I have felt the same. While my mum (a GP) and my sister (a primary school teacher) have been working non-stop since February, I have wasted away on the sofa, gin and tonic in hand, totally oblivious to the impact of coronavirus. Other than not seeing my friends, my world remained relatively unchanged. I can understand the frustration of those following even stricter rules than I, who find it difficult to constantly stay inside for months on end, hiding from something they cannot see, which appears to be happening somewhere else.
“I was relaxed at the beginning,” my grandma said. “I was relaxed, which was unusual for me to be relaxed!” she laughed. “But as it has gone on, it’s gotten harder… it doesn’t take much anymore for me to get really upset, seemingly over nothing. It just comes – the sadness. Nothing triggers it… it just comes.”
Something we must all be aware of is how lockdown is affecting our mental health. There has been much discourse on the impact of lockdown on the mental health of teenagers and young adults – how isolation has caused new social anxiety for many and exacerbated existing mental health illnesses for others. When discussing this extremely important topic, we must not forget the elderly, for old people, too, can suffer from mental health problems. It sounds stupid, I know, but I think that people often assume that the elderly are always fine, immune to the same mental health problems that young people suffer from. They are the generation that made it through the war – surely, nothing else could faze them? Yet, being locked inside for five months would have a detrimental impact on anyone’s mental health, the elderly included. So please don’t forget to look out for the older generations, especially during a pandemic which affects them so much more than the rest of the population.
“People often assume that the elderly are always fine, immune to the same mental health problems that young people suffer from”
“A lady across the way who’s around the same age as me,” grandad continued, “Has been out every day. No mask, nothing.” Seemingly, this woman is convinced she is fit enough and healthy enough to not be affected by Covid-19, despite being over 90 years old. My grandparents have had to watch this woman entertain family members for hours while they themselves are unable to even hold their 8-month-old great-granddaughter.
“Do you think that’s a common attitude amongst some more elderly people?” I inquired. “Do you think that there are people who, while they are over 70, think that because they are relatively healthy for their age, they cannot catch the virus or get seriously ill from it?”
“Yes exactly, that’s the problem,” my grandma agreed. “It doesn’t matter what age you are, or if you have no underlying health problems, you can still contract the virus, pass it on and even get very dangerously sick. And that’s what I think a lot of people our age don’t understand.”
“Are you afraid of catching the virus?”
I asked my final question tentatively, aware that if my grandparents came down with coronavirus, the outcome could potentially be fatal. My grandma replied that she was a bit afraid, yes, but mainly because she was worried that she would pass it on to my grandad, who is 14 years her elder.
It was my grandad’s response that shocked me. He said that he was afraid of the virus, but not because he feared death. My grandad has had many run ins with serious illnesses over the years, and while he successfully vanquished each one, I get the feeling that after so many hospital trips, he is somewhat accustomed to the possibility of moving on to the next life.
My grandad is afraid of the virus because he does not want to make my grandma a widow. After 57 years of marriage, my grandad could not bear to leave my grandma on her own.
“My grandad is afraid of the virus because he does not want to make my grandma a widow. After 57 years of marriage, my grandad could not bear to leave my grandma on her own. ”
This really moved me. I welled up, although I think I managed to hide this from my grandparents. I have never heard such sentiment from my grandad. I know he loves my grandma dearly, but he has never spoken that way about her in front of me – normally their interactions in my presence consist of light-hearted teasing and joking. Hearing my grandad talk like this made me acutely aware of how genuinely scared he must be of passing away, leaving my grandma behind.
It also made me extremely enraged. I became even more furious at those who are treating coronavirus with the same caution as they would a glorified cold. I am so angry at people, especially the young, who flaunt their health in front of the elderly. It is now my opinion that young adults are outrageously egotistical. We only care about ourselves. This has become abundantly clear to me throughout lockdown, as young teens and adults have brazenly flouted the government guidelines, endangering the elderly because they, personally, know they are unlikely to fall fatally ill.
For many of us youngsters, if we contracted coronavirus it would be, at best, undetectable, and at worst, a mild inconvenience. This is not the case for the elderly. This disease is deadly. I beg you, treat it as such.
If not for your own grandparents, then for mine.
Lottie Needham is a fourth year student at the University of Edinburgh studying History and Politics. She is a regular author at Ensemble Magazine, and you can find more of her writing here.